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Sunday, 24 April 2011

Time to ourselves

Today is Easter Sunday, and as with every holiday Sheldon and I were faced with making a decission as to where to spend the holiday. Whatever we decide it is impossible to make everyone happy. At Christmas we visited my family the weekend before and then spent the actual holiday with Sheldon's family, which worked out ok but there was a lot of travelling and we were exhausted by the end of it. The Easter break is a much shorter time frame than we have over christmas and there's no way we could manage all of that travelling in the space of one long weekend even if we didn't now have to visit both of my parents individually, if we were to visit one family and not another that would cause problems. Also, all of our parents birthdays fall within a month of Easter which would mean having to take 2 round trips to each family in the space of a few weeks, this we just could not take, we need time to recharge after these trips as they take a lot out of us and we both end up drained as our families expect us to be running around and doing things as we're only there for a short time and our medications make this difficult, we can cope for a couple of days, but much longer than that and we start to unravel somewhat. With all this is mind we decided that we would stay at home for Easter and visit our families for our respective parents birthdays.

Making the decision to stay at home has been one of the best decissions we have made in a long time, we have had such an amazing and relaxed day and neither of us are exhausted or stressed out, we exchanged eggs this morning and then went to a local 4* hotel for a lovely 3 course lunch before coming home to chill out infront of the TV in the peace and quiet of our own home and in our own company which is bliss.

Don't get me wrong, we do like visitng the families, going home means that I get to see my nan and my younger brother, but means that I have to endure my mother's drunken moaning and her constant attempts to pick a fight with anyone in the room. I love going to see Sheldon's family they're lovely and we have a great time when we're down there but they're pretty intense and as Sheldon's mum's place is pretty small there is nowhere to hide if things get to much, its lovely seeing the family, but sometimes its lovely to not see them aswell, and now that our first family free holiday has gone so well i'm sure we'll have more in the future.

On a different topic I recieved an e-mail offering me a job, from someone who found my CV on a CV library I uploaded it to, its a job as an administrator so not my ideal job, and I've not recieved any details so for the moment I'm being cautious and not getting my hopes up until I have made contact with these people and checked if its a legitimate offer, but if it is then it'll bring in some much needed cash.

Thats all for now, I'm gonna get back to enjoying my lazy Sunday.

Happy Easter

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Domestic Violence and S&M are not the same thing!

I would have thought that this would be pretty obvious to people but apparently it is something which needs to be pointed out. S&M is a sexual fetish involving pleasure which is derived from pain, Sadomasachitic sexual are acts between two consenting adults, boundaries are set and there are appropriate measures put in place to make sure that things fo not get out of hand such as the use of safewords. S&M is about safe and consensual enjoyment between two people and the submissive partner or "bottom" has complete control of what happens to them during the scene. Domestic violence of the other hand is not consensual and the partner to whom the violence is directed has no say in the matter, unlike S&M it is far from safe and there are many deaths (mostly of women) which are a direct result of domestic violence.

This is something that really infuriates me and it has been brought to public attention recently due to the actions of RnB star Rihanna. For those of you who dont know the story itrecently came to light that rihanna's relationship with ex partner singer Chris Brown had been an abusive one after Brown was arrested and charged with battery and felony domestic violence, Brown originally plead not guilty but follwong a plea bargain plead guilty to felony assault he was sentenced to five years of probation one year of domestic violence counseling, and six months of community service the judge retained a five-year restraining order on Brown, which requires him to remain 50 yards away from Rihanna, 10 yards at public events. Earlier this year Rihanna released her controversial single S&M, the vidoe for which was immediately banned in 11 countries and during interviews with various magazines to promote this single rihanna has repeatedly said that she enjoys sadomasochistic sexual practices, with quotes such as "I love to be tied up and spanked. I like to be whipped." This revalation has caused something of a stir and has got people talking about the Chris Brown case,  people like this asshole. It would seem that some people really are that stupid and don't understand that there is a distinct difference between a safe act between two consensual adults and one person commiting a violent attack on another, the human race never cease to surprise and dumbfound me.

In summary, just because a woman has masochistic tendencies and likes the thought of S&M or even if she actively participates in sadomasochistic sexual practices, this does not give her partner(s) carte blanche to treat her is a violent way or beat her up causing serious injury and possibly death.

I'm getting increasingly angry whilst writting this and it is in danger of becoming an unintelligable rant so I will leave you with this.
  1. If you are interested in S&M, learn more about what it is before you dive in, it can be a lot of fun, but as with anything where there is a possibilty of harm you should always be prepared, there are numerous websites and books that offer S&M 101 guides and insights so have a look around and know what you're getting into before you commit to anything
  2. If you are a practitioner of S&M whether dominant, or submissive, be consensual, be smart, and be same. Remember those safewords and have fun
  3. If you're in an abusive reltionship, get out, I know its hard but you can do it, I did and I've never looked back. Get away and make him pay, not through eye for eye revenge but through the legal system like rihanna did.
  4. If you're the violent party in an abusive relationship. Stop! Think about what you're doing and why. Man up and stop being a complete arsehole!

Saturday, 9 April 2011

I'm still here

I has been a while since I last blogged this is mostly because there has been very little to blog about Sheldon and I have fallen into a fairly consistent day to day routine (maybe its a little too routine but I can't complain) there has been no major upheaval or really anything all that interesting going on, which is nice for a change. The second reason for my lack of blogging lately is that my poor old laptop which I've had for over 5 years now finally gave in, the screen wouldn't wortk at all and then later on I encountered a genuine RAM emergency so I have been using Sheldon's computer and so have had more limited web access.Sheldon, being the sweetie that he is, bought me a new laptop as a present for my 23rd birthday and now normal service has been resumed.

I survived turning 23, I think I'm getting used to this aging thing (still dreading 30, though thankfull thats a way off still) Sheldon took me out for a meal on my birthday and then on the following Saturday we had people over for a few drinks.... and then a few more. All in all I had a good time although I did get let down by some friends (through not fault of their own) at the last minute, but the few of us who did show up had a good night. Sheldon had forgotten to eat throughout the day and had neglected to take his medication which meant that I had to tuck him up in bed at 2:30am while the evening was still in full swing and he was feeling the effects of the drink. Taxis called and friends dispatched in the direction of home, with the exception of  of a friend Harris* who passed out in a chair and was moved onto the sofa, I finally dragged myself into bed at around 7:30-8am, I really am getting to old for this shit.

The week following my birthday was my Nan's birthday and the Sunday was Mothers' day so I invited my parents and my Nan up for the afternoon and we all went out for lunch. We actually had a really pleasant time and my mother didn't embarass me in public for the first time since... ever.

On the subject of my parents they're splitting up, my mother has gotten herself a flat, which is about half way between my father's house and the store where I used to work when I lived there. I'm not upset about them splitting infact the only thought I've really had on the matter is that its about damn time after the years if them both threatening to leave. They really aren't good for each other and how they stayed together for nearly 30 years I have no idea, they've barely spoken in years and yet still slept in the same bed (on the nights when my mother didn't pass out on the sofa from drinking to much) had it been the case that my brother and I were younger I could understand them endeavouring to stay together for our sake, but I moved out almost 5 years ago and my younger brother is almost 21 and working as a DJ, playing pubs and clubs all over the country and is hardly ever home, he also has a long term girlfriend and the two of them are making plans to move in together so there really hasn't been anything keeping my parents together for all those years. Its not even like either of them are anti-divorce, my mother is my father's second wife. In my opinion they've just stayed together cos they were both to lazy to do anything about their situation, and now finally my mother has, and I breathed a sigh of relief, becuase now I can go back home to see people with out having to deal with my mother druken, needy, self centred ranting on a daily basis.

Hopefully now that someone has finally mad a move they'll pull themselves together and start acting like responisble adults... stranger things have happened. This however is merely speculation on my part and remains to be seen.

* Again not his real name, this is a reference to Harris Glenn Milstead better known as Divine, I couldn't think of a better pseudenym for my film loving drag queen friend :)