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Saturday, 27 November 2010


My mood has been better recently and I have actually managed to get myself focused enough to do things on a few occassions. I'm still distracted and I can't conentrate for any lenght of time which is highly frustrating. I've been trying to encourage myself by looking back at how I was before I started my current medication regime and I can see that I have made a lot of progress and am starting to regain the independence that  I once had. I have been somewhat motivated by my latest Goldberg Score which was 60, this is well into the "severe depression" category and I'm sure to many this score would be seen as a cause for concern but in my case its a significant improvement as before I started on my current medication regime my score was 83. I can still see that I know that I still have a long way to go but I am encouraged by the progress I have made in the last year or so.

I've now been attending an anxiety management course run by my local mental health team for two weeks. I really didn't want to go as I thought that it would just be the same nonsense and patronising waffle that I have heard before, especially when I met with the two people leading the course prior to its commencement at they mentioned that the course would be using a CBT framework, but I am actually finding it beneficial not because of what the course is teaching but for other reasons. Firstly, its a way of reintroducing myself to a social situations, as there are only 6 people in the group and it is in a quiet and secure location, I'm getting used to being a part of a group of people again and it feels liberating. Secondly, I have found that during the group sessions I have been holding discussions with the leaders and other group members on an intellectual  level, and have also found myself teaching the leaders things that relate to the content of the course that they did not know. These two factors have shown me that I haven't really changed in the way that I thought I had, I can see that I'm still the person I was before the start of this episode, I just need to work on building my confidence back up and coming back out of my shell.

I have been feeling in a bit of a funk recently and I have had little energy or motivation to do even the simplest of household tasks, but I am feeling a bit better about that now and can actually consider actually cooking and tackling my building mountain of laundry next week. I'm hoping that I can maintain this new found motivation and continue to focus on the positive aspects and the improvements to my attitiude and mood however, Christmas is just around the corner and that means a lot of travelling up and down the country a lot of people and an emotional rollercoaster over then next month or so. Christmas is a bridge I am going to cross when I get to it and I am going to take each trip and each encounter as it comes and try not to get overwhelmed. Hopefully, I'll be able to emmotianally support myself and Sheldon throughout the holiday period and we'll come out the other side relatively intact but I will have to wait to see if that happens,I'm just gonna relax and take things easy for the next few weeks to try and perpare physically and mentally for the challenge of Christmas.

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